the sinner in me
2009 Resolutions
Keep studying
Be a great boyfriend, and a good son
Be more all-rounded
Stop shrinking and start growing again
Be able to answer to myself
My Second Wind
I fear stagnation and lack of progress. I fear never reaching my potential and being average. I fear being forgotten. The past. Yesterday's news. I fear giving up and being passed by, going softly into that good night. I fear letting those I love down, letting myself down. I fear settling, giving in to the "that's just the way it is" mindset. I fear dying without leaving my mark. I fear not feeling these fears anymore and just floating along. These fears feed me, they nourish my drive.
I love my fear.
bought a 500gb seagate external hard disk yesterday. it needs a power adapter by itself so it's clearly not very portable, but i had to choose between capacity and mobility, and the former was what prompted me to purchase a new external hard disk, so i had to stick to the original intention, i guess. it's heavy too, at least a kilogram; i could train my forearms with it.
the fallen saint left at 10:47 pm
the fallen saint left at 10:21 am the past month had been rather hellish. throughout the whole semester i'd been consistently doing tutorials and hardly skipped any tutorials or lectures. and when it came to the so-called study break prior to the exams (we didn't really have one this semester) i began staying out late at night with friends, going for supper with random different people and all that. alright i still did study, but it wasn't exactly what i expected of myself after a semester of constant hard work.
the fallen saint left at 10:14 am
some people are put in your life to help you; others are there to test you.
the fallen saint left at 2:49 am
the fallen saint left at 2:29 am
the cracks are beginning to show. the weight is becoming too much to bear.
the fallen saint left at 12:48 pm
i hope you manage to discover the things you really want in life.
the fallen saint left at 2:20 am
i bared my soul and gave you a glimpse of my life. i don't know if i expected anything from you. i don't want sympathy.
the fallen saint left at 11:31 pm
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
snigger
seagate thinks it's got a sense of humour in its packaging.
this is just one of the many little packages inside its box.
and here is the wondrously humorous word on the sticker.what the f*** were these guys thinking, seriously?
Friday, April 25, 2008
i want!
i really really want this, the oakley crosshair. the only problem is that it costs about S$309 to S$342, depending on the specific model.my birthday's coming at the end of next month! HINT HINT.
flurry
maybe i needed a break.the first and last papers for my exam - accounting and financial management respectively - were both guillotines in their own right. practically half my FM paper was blank or equivalent, meaning i scribbled some answers that in all likelihood would never constitute the correct methodology anyway.it's all over now though. i felt empty when i returned to my room, like a jilted lover. what a lousy way to start my holidays.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
discern
time to make a choice.
Monday, April 14, 2008
untitled
this is for the girl who caught my eye in the corner of a fast food joint last night, your defined cheekbones putting the likes of shu qi to shame, and your gaze effortlessly melting any male onlooker in your direction. your tresses were perceivably perfect down to the every strand, your skin tone unmistakably bronzed through hours under the sun. the green dress adorning your svelte form could do you no wrong, revealing a teasing glimpse of your cleavage which, unlike many other girls, did not cheapen you.but i saw your biology textbook on the chair beside you and knew in all probability that you were much too young for me. it was heartening, though, to know that a girl like you exists, albeit the purity of your intentions i can never be certain. you were a sight to behold, nevertheless.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
strained
i don't think there's a point in shouldering a burden unless i can get rid of it in future. there's no point in carrying it throughout my life, is there?i will never be the kind of academic student that is expected of me. i'm not your typical organized and focused A-grade student. things appear randomly and i attend to them as and when. it is what distinguishes me from people who look straight down a barrel, but it will also ultimately be my achilles' heel when it comes down to the exams.perhaps it's time to accept this fact and not pretend that i can change the way my thought processes function. why lie to myself any further when it's a truth that will stare me back in my face when these three years are up?i want to break down, i want to let it all out, but i can't. i feel restrained by an invisible force, that doesn't allow me to coherently express the mass of different emotions engulfing me. right now i only ask for the blatant disregard of my being that a child possesses, to be able to let the tears roll and free myself of these chains, even if it were to be a temporary reprieve from all that is yet to come.i don't need anyone; all i ask is to be able to open myself.i am spiritually on my knees.
Monday, April 07, 2008
shine on
*underneath it all, you are nothing.until you find what you're looking for, there is nothing spectacular about your purpose and your being.
Saturday, April 05, 2008
running blind
i am strong, but i am so vulnerable. i am confident, but i am fearful. i run from these frightening things that may become true, i want to believe things will pick themselves up. but fairy tales seldom translate into reality, and it is only painfully obvious how events in the past twelvemonth have proven the grim prospects that the future holds in this department.i now have good reason to believe this possibility may materialize. i am prepared, i am ready. i won't be the happiest i can be, but i'll manage, and i'll get by.i am down on my knees, but i am not a child of faith and i do not pray. i want to get up, but i feel beaten. i will stay here, for now.